Perspectives from the Himalaya

Cloud Story 9: Entanglement of JK Rowling, David Walliams & Studio Hari

Whilst watching news on TV that subdued evening, Spot, Grizzy and the Lemmings learned that their captured friends had been flown to China and were caged at the Beijing Zoo under the watchful eye of the army. As yet, there were unresolved debates amongst the people of China on the fate of the dinosaurs. Meanwhile, an auction had been set up for the highest bidders amidst the finest restaurateurs in the black market.

Colonel Shen and Lady Buckshot had made an agreement that whilst the Chinese could have their meat, she would keep the skin, head, spike, eye and claw so that she could stuff them and have them exhibited at the Natural History Museum of London with the rest of her collection.

Spot came up with a rescue plan. The Lemmings could barely contain their excitement but Grizzly grunted in grumpiness to the idea. He was getting rather comfortable in his sofa with another platter of fish. The Lemmings advised that the only way to take Grizzy with them was to take the sofa as well. It was important that Grizzy came along because he had the ability to unlock any kind of lock.

Spot rummaged in the garage and found a sizeable bow-and-anchor and a mighty length of rope. With the Lemmings, they fastened the anchor to one end of the rope and the other, around the sofa. They opened the balcony doors and waited for the right plane to fly across the sky. When Air China came into sight, Spot loaded the anchor to the bow, aimed towards the tail of the plane and when the anchor found its grip, they all took flight on the sofa. They flew across the Pacific Ocean into the oriental sunset. On spotting the Beijing Zoo, Spot loosened the ropes and they landed abruptly inside the giant panda enclosure.

The production company of Grizzy and the Lemmings – Studio Hari – realised that their beloved animated characters had disappeared!

There was a deadline looming close for the next instalment of the popular TV series. It wasn’t long before they pieced up the clues to the location of their missing characters and unravelled the plot behind it. Realising the complicating feat that they may have to encounter, the director of Studio Hari made a call to J.K. Rowling pleading if they could borrow their magizoologist – Newt Scamander and his suitcase from The Fantastic Beasts – for their rescue mission. As known, his suitcase houses a vast kingdom of magical creatures and the director of Studio Hari thought that they would be the perfect distraction for Lady Buckshot and the army.  J.K. Rowling kindly agreed to the loan for 24 hours.

It was nightfall in Beijing. The Flower Moon was at her brightest, sending moonbeams across the sky.

The production team from Studio Hari and Newt Scamander swooped in under the radar. The team was incredibly relieved to have spotted the sofa parked under a bamboo tree. It meant that they could get their cameras rolling almost immediately and to broadcast live, just in time to get their impending episode together. Children from around the globe were not to be disappointed. They would be watching the rescue mission, live from Beijing Zoo!

Grizzy and the Lemmings were unaware of their boss’ presence and had the liberty to act with free will.

Having invited Madam Panda on the sofa, Grizzy was unashamedly flirting with her whilst the Lemmings were clowning around with her babies. The Lemmings had set up a bamboo bridge across the fence and were encouraging them to climb across to the next enclosure where the dinosaurs were caged. Spot was in tears of joy embracing Arlo and Spino ferociously. Refusing to lessen his grip around their necks, the dinosaurs were beginning to turn a shade of purple. When Madam Panda finally came away from Grizzy’s frisky attention, she clambered out across the bamboo bridge in alarmed when she spotted her babies climbing on the bars of the dinosaurs’ cage. Grizzy took after Madam Panda whilst the Lemmings gave themselves a hearty pet on their backs for their successful tactic of luring Grizzy away from his sofa.

There isn’t a lock that Grizzly cannot unlock with his middle claw. Now, having gotten him out of the sofa, Grizzy was needed at this very critical moment to unlock this piece of lock that secured the dinosaurs’ cage. And thankfully, he did and with ease.

Readers and viewers may wonder that everything has been going rather smooth and sleek in this rescue mission. Yes it may seem so but the video cameras have been selectively framing scenes at this point in time. Pandemonium had broken out between a dozen of guards from the Chinese army and an unsuspecting troop of kalaripayattu fighters from India, apparently hired by the richest family – the Ambanis. Rumour has it that the Ambanis were seeking to house the dinosaurs in their largest (to-be-built) zoo in the world in Gujarat, India.

Lady Buckshot who had set up camp in a leopard print tent about 200 metres away from the watch point of the army was not to be left out in such a commotion. She had the adoring support of Colonel Shen and Colonel Shen had the command to an additional troop of 48 soldiers. Altogether, these 50 figures came storming into the scene ready to take charge of the uninvited guests. Arlo and Spino, having just stepped out of the cage, felt that it was probably a safer idea to be back in the cage. The Lemmings were perched on a tree cheering the kalaripayattu fighters every time a soldier was disarmed with a masterly kick. Grizzy, Madam Panda and her babies sat themselves on the other side of the fighting ground taking sides of the army as they assumed that there should be fans on the other team as well.

As chaotic as it seems, now seemed like the right time for Newt Scamander to step in. The director of Studio Hari gave his signal to Newt to play his part.

Newt Scamander opened up his leather suitcase, whispered a little something and stepped aside.

As it was a full moon, the most likely creatures to pop out were the Mooncalves. And they did. A Mooncalf, a very shy creature with a long thin neck and bulging blue eyes perched on top of its head, in the glorious moonlight became inevitably delirious. More leaped out. And their chests began to swell and quiver. And when all 33 of them held hands in a circle, they broke out into a convoluted dance move, a natural routine that was part of their mating ritual. The intricacies of their dance and loud swooning have been known to have the effect of confusing the human perspective and so there was no exception here. The fighting stopped between the kalaripayattu fighters and the army as they got caught up in a trance with the Mooncalves’ magnetic twirls, spins and pirouettes. The vibration of their feet reverberated through the Beijing Zoo, sending a wave of spells and hysterics.

The fighting had miraculously transformed into a swaying wave of humans offering their cries to the moonbeam. Everyone had surrendered their weapons and were completely transfixed by the trance-induced rhythm of the dance. With headphones on to block the sounds, Newt took the opportunity to collect the Lemmings whilst the Director heaved Grizzy back onto his sofa and pulled him away from the frenzy.

As the dance continued into the night, a gigantic Nundu, a leopard-like creature with a puffer fish-like neck, unsuspectingly stepped out stealthily and ambled around the circle of dancers. She sniffed around as if looking for a meal, her breath carrying an incurable malady when agitated. The feline creature stopped at Lady Buckshot who was still in a trance and was oblivious to the unusual presence. She tilted her puffed, spiked neck and brought her slimy nostrils close to the pale human neck. Newt Scamander wagged a finger at the Nundu, reminding her to behave.

It so happened that Junior Musk was watching the episode from the west coast of America, sitting with his father on the couch but whose attention was in his emails.

Looking up to see what his son was cackling and gasping about, Mr. Musk was alarmed to see Arlo, Spot and Spino in a midst of the dizzying pandemonium displayed on the television screen. In a flash, he called for his private shooting star and a back up star. He declared to his son, “I am going to get them out!”

“Who are you getting out? Could you bring the Lemmings please?”

“Sorry son, I ‘m getting the dinosaurs and the little kid out!”

Mr. Musk’s efficient Shooting Star Express was exactly what it was, a vehicle that defies time. In a twinkling, the star shone itself above the two dinosaurs. A rope ladder was dropped from the opened latch and Mr. Musk called out to them. Arlo reached out for Spot and the trio took to the skies with Mr. Musk.

By this time, the breath of the Nundu had broken the Mooncalves’ spell.

Lady Buckshot, the first to be awoken was immediately magnetised by the gigantic Nundu who was prowling back into the suitcase, lured by Newt. Then, she saw the Mooncalves scampering in. They had all disappeared in an instant as if it was merely a dream. She went in pursuit, hungry with hysteria to find out where they had gone. The sighting of the fantastic beasts was beyond her wildest dreams. Colonel Shen pleaded for her to stop. But she heard none of his cries and was certainly not to be stopped. Unable to resist the temptation of being lured into the magical suitcase, the threshold of the kingdom that Newt’s magical creatures reside, Lady Buckshot without hesitation, and without turning back, stepped into her heaven. Or so she thought.

Newt Scamander had not noticed Lady Buckshot as he had his back turned whilst convincing the team at Studio Hari to wrap things up. Studio Hari packed up the sofa and their beloved characters and agreed to leave before mayhem broke again. With a flick of his wand, Newt Scamander apparated the team. But with the absence of the dinosaurs, there was nothing left to fight for. The kalaripayattu fighters led themselves out and returned to India, whilst the Chinese army, back to their quarters for instant noodles.

Colonel Shen was heartbroken. He cried for the very first time in his life. Tears that had never befallen, poured and poured, drenching his uniform and wrenching his spirit like a twisted rag.

He retired from the army, shaved his head and took to the mountains to live a solitary life. He found a quiet niche, but it was not without a fight for the caves in the Himalaya were well occupied by similar lost souls.

When all was well again and everyone was home where they belong with the help of Mr. Musk and the services of his shooting stars, Newt Scamander was returned to the Heyday Films studio in London.

But J.K. Rowling was not too please to find the presence of Lady Buckshot, the rudest person she had ever met, inviting herself into the pages of the Fantastic Beasts.

“She is terribly ill-mannered and impudent for my liking! Mr. David Walliams, I would be obliged to send her your way!” J.K. Rowling made a phone call to the author of Ice Monster and advised him that he should take responsibility for his characters.

However, Lady Buckshot had no intention of leaving her new found kingdom.

“I have written her off my pages and I am not sure if I want her back. She refuses to come back anyway!” exclaimed David Walliams.

 J.K. Rowling hinted, ever so politely, “Perhaps if we were to unleash Grindelwald on her tail, he may just lure her out.”

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